Surprised by Joy

When we allow grief do its work, we might be surprised by what we find.

Music by Scott Holmes - A Wee Tipple 
Non Copyright Music

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Today I sat by the stump in the yard for a while, feet propped up, enjoying the breeze and watching a storm roll in. I went on a walk, rode a bit, and took a good nap. I sipped my coffee and soaked in a hug from my twenty two-year-old son, who will soon be starting his own adventure. I laid out on the grass, arms spread out, breathing the outside air and looking up at the canopy of leaves and the trees. And then there was the music from my late teenage years and twenties, turned up loud, and with arms held out, head bent back and heart open, I sang with everything I had, and suddenly I was surprised by joy. Joy for my life, for having endured, for having grown and stayed real, joy for tough decisions made, digging deep and holding the line, joy for staying true and the miracle of having made it through the whole way. Joy for what the painful process of transformation has done in me, and for the woman I am realizing is actually quite easy to love. Joy for having found my voice, for how it allows me to partner with my heart and be able to express what I see and feel and experience. Joy for my four children, now young adults, who are coming into their own, courageous, bonded, and some of the best people I know. And joy for the long distance relatives I get to see in a few weeks, for the cousin who has walked in my shoes, whose voice reassures and inspires hope for a future, who surprised me with sunrises and sunsets on the ocean, and for her generous hunter husband who stocked my empty freezer with his own delicious cuts of meat and welcomes me when I visit. Joy for the pilot cousin who did not judge me, but simply told me he loved me, and that that was all that mattered, then cooked the best ribs ever, affirmed an instinct towards abundance in my children, and along with his wife celebrated with us. For the mechanic cousin who organized and paid for help when my car broke down during an out of state trip, and along with his wife makes room for my children and I in more ways than one, and for his wit and the way he deeply enjoys bringing laughter to others, and for the cousin in construction who thinks to check in with me and offers his heart and strength in the middle of going through his own dark night of the soul, and for the pilot uncle who understands grief and brokenness, as well as humor and laughter, whose bent is towards love and not disapproval, who took me up in his yellow biplane, reminding me there actually is freedom to be found in flight. Yeah, Joy took me by surprise today, and I do love surprises.