A Heart for Truth

Someplace

Erma Jean Episode 45

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0:00 | 3:28

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Longing for someplace. 

Music by Scott Holmes - A Wee Tipple 
Non Copyright Music 

SPEAKER_00

The truth of the matter is that writing has become very difficult these days. The 13 word docs currently open on my computer confirm this, all bearing the beginnings of something or not. This evening I felt the nudge to post something on parenting, but what I wrote fell flat. I just can't seem to access inspiration these days. And so I guess I'll just start where I always have to start, with being real. What's real is that I'm tired and numb. My workload was added on to recently, and it's messing with the flow I was finding myself inside of, and I can't seem to find it again. What I give and how I show up in the world on a day-to-day basis requires a level of output that I don't even know how to describe, but at times it leaves me as I am now, fatigued, somewhat empty, and just wanting to go away to someplace beautiful, someplace full of love and deep relationships and laughter, someplace where belonging and acceptance is the norm and not the exception to the rule, where I get to be carefree and cared for. Some place where I can see laughter and love and depth in the eyes of those across from me, where my heart can rest and breathe and remember what it feels like to belong. Some place like my mechanic cousin's front porch, chairs circled round, stories told, laughter filling the late afternoon, enjoying cold pizza and a margarita for dinner, a simple meal, allowing more time to enjoy the evening air together, and making the long distance drive worth it. Some place like the patio of a long distance kindred spirit and her family, around a fire and under the string of warm lights, remembering shared history, hearing reassurances that goodness is coming, that darkness will give way to mourning, that things will be okay. Some place along hearts who also run deep, who do not fear depth and nuance, who believe in possibility and potential, who mean what they say and do what they mean. Some place where realness and rawness coexist, where a numb heart gets to thaw and feel again, where grief is comforted and meaning discovered, where joy oversees the entire household. Yeah, that's what I long for someplace.